Tails' Note
by PanBelacqua
Summary: Sonic discovers a note that Tails wrote to Cosmo, detailing the workings of his depressed mind.


Sonic entered Tails' room, curious that he hadn't seen the kitsune since landing on Mobius, finally returned from the long fight against the Metarex. saw him, his bright orange fur, lying on his bed, face pressed against the wall. His breathing was light, but sporadic. It was clear that he was having a nightmare. Sonic reached over, to wake up his friend, but something caught his eye. A note. It was written in increasingly trembling script, and tears smudged the ink. Through this mess, Sonic was just able to make out a message.

Cosmo. Your name, it whispers to me, as I write this note. It keeps me awake on night. Taunting me, reminding me, of you. I try to forget, and I fell terrible. Would it not just be easier for it all to end? It was my fault, my hand was the one that removed you from this world. My hand, that killed you. Is it not fair, not just, that I receive the same fate? Only the hope of spreading your seed across the galaxy prevents me from doing it, from taking the life of myself, just as I took yours. Your life. Your consciousness. I ended that. You will never live, never feel. You will never experience again. The joys of this world are never again to be yours. Instead, I get to feel them. The sunlight against my fur, the rain against my cheek. Why? Why do I get these things and you don't? Why, would Fate inflict such a fate on you, such an amazing person?

You never harmed anyone. You never attacked the Metarex. No, you simply blocked them at every turn. In the end, you blocked them one final time, and it cost you your life. I again ask you, why? Your life was so short, and all but a few precious moments were spent in fear, in terror. The moments I spent with you... I hope you were happy then. Temporarily given leave from the stress of fighting the Metarex, I hope I gave you that, at least. The moments I spent with you... they were the best times of my life, my most cherished memories.

But then I took it all away! I ended you! Whatever cruel deity imagined this future is one of evil, of malignance. For what happened to you, I hope they burn for all eternity! I want them to feel the pain that you felt, tenfold! Even that's not dark enough a fate for such an uncaring entity. You, an innocent, destroyed! If I can not destroy a god I do not know, a force I can not comprehend, then I wish I could hunt down the Metarex, an earthly foe, no, Earth is much too kind a place for them, those MONSTERS! But they are all gone. You made sure of that, and I thank you, but my praise simply can not do you justice!

I wish I could cherish the opportunities you have given me, the chances that your sacrifice gifted me, but I can't. Without you, it all seems meaningless. I hate myself for it, but your sacrifice hasn't helped me. I hate myself for being this selfish, everyone else seems happy. I wish that you and I had spent our final moments together, as my life force was drained. Or that I had sarificed myself, somehow. Whatever would have made you happiest, I would have done. Your life was one that wasn't in danger. No, you sacrificed yourself to save us. The friends who you had only recently met, and, in the end, failed you.

None of them understand. They felt sad, but it won't do to them what it did to me. You're the only one I ever loved, have loved, will love. My life has no direction, no purpose, no point. Without you, my life, my existence is meaningless. I will carry on the rest of my days, missing you. Is death not better than such a putrid existence? I was wrong, I have a purpose. It is a lonely one, a sad one, and it will forever remind me of you, and your sacrifice, even more than simply living does. I will plant your one, solitary, single seed, and nurture your plant, and spread it's offspring, and plant and nurture them, and spread their offspring... I have a point, but I wish you were here with me, or instead of me, living life, enjoying its comforts.

It's cruel. I would avenge you, but who would I avenge? All those who could be blamed are dead, save me. I should be dead. I would be dead, were it not for you. I understand how Shadow feels. He wishes Maria had been sent to the surface, not himself. He wishes he could end it, but he won't. He will pass on her memories, her mind. I can empathize with him, and him with me. But even then, the only soul who could understand what I have gone through, am going through, will go through, is dead. It seems that he also sacrificed himself. Why is it that all those who could help are gone? While I like Sonic, he would tell me it's going to be better, but it's not. Crean is just a child, and, while I am still in my younger days, I have far surpassed her, there is nothing she could do, as she doesn't fully understand. Knuckles would simply give me a brave story, and epect that that would help. Amy is obsessed with Sonic, and I don't want to think about him, I want to think about you, Cosmo.

It's silly, writing this note. I know you will never read it. But, if I can lose myself in the pretense, that I'm writing to you, it alleviates some of the pain. But then, when I'm done the torture is only stronger, for having that moment of reprieve. What is truly better, having constant pain, or lesser angst, followed en masse by stronger? I don't have the answers but you would. I know you would. In the darkest of days, when the fight against the Metarex seemed hopeless, you were the light in my darkness, the Sun in my neverending night sky. Gazing up at the stars with you, all of them alien, those leisurely days aboard the Blue Typhoon.

I wish it could have gone differently

Sonic put the note down, a tear rolling from his eye. Tails was right, he hadn't understood what Cosmo had meant to the fox. The tear rolled down his cheek, darkening the fur there. He gave up. Tears poured from his eyes, and he barely kept himself from sobbing. He looked over at Cosmo's plant, where Tails had put it, safe from falling, and sat down at the end of Tails' bed. He put his hand on his friend's back, and let his mind relive all his memories of Cosmo.

"Thank you".


End file.
